LeBron’s Bar Mitzvah Magic

It is the wanna-be Miami Heat dancers clapping and yelling that throw me off. They follow the Bar Mitzvah Boy out the double doors into the party space.  I look around the room and take in all the jewelry and tight dresses worn, not by the kids, by the South Florida Moms.  It is then that I realize that I am experiencing a Bar Mitzvah – east coast style. Westin Florida is flashy enough to contain LeBron James and plenty of snapping Everglade turtles. Our cousin’s Bar Mitzvah theme is “Backstage.” My wife is asked by a glitzy mother “what is Jake’s theme”?  She struggles and replies “A…Bar Mitzvah?”

I’ve got to admit the SoFla party is terrific. My brother-in-law is one of the biggest concert promoters in Florida. He has pulled out the stops for his sweet son. Complete with event “security” and laminated passes. This Northwest Squarepants is just not prepared for the professional dancers and leather Mommies. Yep – a Mother wore a form fitting, uber-short, leather mini-dress. Plus a couple of Mom’s were in full on evening gowns. Jake is mesmerized. He asks me “how much of this dressing up is for our Bar Mitzvah cousin and how much is for the grown ups?” I replied – everybody is dressed up to celebrate.

Later Jake stands alone at the mini-burger stand. A cute girl, a foot taller than him says “you have beautiful eyes.” Jake stammers “Thank you.” Ten seconds later Jake asks to see me outside. “Did I respond correctly?” Yes. “Do I have to ask her to dance now?” If you want to. “Holy cow, are all the girls here so direct?” I’m not sure. I do know you have nothing to lose if you ask her to dance. “I have to think about it.” Jake did not have that opportunity unfortunately.

Jake’s Bar Mitzvah planning is in full effect. My dear friend is a TV personality who has built her career on event planning, she recently came to our house to talk with Jake about his Bar Mitzvah vision. She knows how to throw a party right. She asks – What are your favorite things Jake? Jake ponders. Just stack rank your very favorite things.  “Hmmmmm… first I like reading. More than anything… second has to be music… then if I had to pick a third thing, it would have to be street magic. Not David Copperfield — David Blaine.” So now we know. We are planning a quasi-intellectual party with a great playlist and street thugs doing magic. No dancers.

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